Adventure? It's never lacking.
The soldier and I went to Target the other night so that he could load up on all sorts of odds and ends, and so that I could buy a single, solitary can of mushrooms. His list started out pretty normal - laundry detergent, freezer paper, cold medication, pizza cutter - standard purchases, but things got a little wacky when he told me he needed to buy tampons.
My hunk of man meat had apparently spent a few too many hours in his tree stand in the freezing fucking temperatures before DAWN, looking for deer, because at some point, adding tampons to his hunt became a good idea. No, no, no, you sick fucks, he isn't going to lure in a buck with the scent of a nasty period, he's going to soak dismantled torpedoes in deer piss and hang them from his tree.
Seriously.
The tampon hunt took a sizeable amount of time, like five whole minutes, which is LONG when you've got a seasoned tampon rider at your side. The soldier initially wanted to spend his hard earned war dollars on Kotex, but I quickly pointed out that the Target brand of cotton ponies was MUCH cheaper. Twenty regular absorbency crotch rods later, the soldier was a happy man.
He hasn't had a chance to launch his newfangled bait just yet, but hopes are high that he'll be able to breathe new life into the world of feminine hygiene, by the way of a deer slaughter or two. Now, that's my kind of guy.
My hunk of man meat had apparently spent a few too many hours in his tree stand in the freezing fucking temperatures before DAWN, looking for deer, because at some point, adding tampons to his hunt became a good idea. No, no, no, you sick fucks, he isn't going to lure in a buck with the scent of a nasty period, he's going to soak dismantled torpedoes in deer piss and hang them from his tree.
Seriously.
The tampon hunt took a sizeable amount of time, like five whole minutes, which is LONG when you've got a seasoned tampon rider at your side. The soldier initially wanted to spend his hard earned war dollars on Kotex, but I quickly pointed out that the Target brand of cotton ponies was MUCH cheaper. Twenty regular absorbency crotch rods later, the soldier was a happy man.
He hasn't had a chance to launch his newfangled bait just yet, but hopes are high that he'll be able to breathe new life into the world of feminine hygiene, by the way of a deer slaughter or two. Now, that's my kind of guy.
posted by Snap at 5:24 PM
15 Comments:
I am not so much confused by the tampons as by the freezer paper. What the hell is freezer paper? Do I need it? Where do I get some?
kranki - freezer paper can be purchased in any grocery store or a target or walmart - it is a heavy white paper which we all use to wrap meat as it prevents freezer burn. it usually can be found by the tinfoil, plastic wrap, etc section.
tell him that if his kotex catches on fire, all he needs to do is throw it on the floor and tampon it.
auntie, we all know that you use freezer paper AS tampons.....not very absorbent, but prevents your hoo-hoo from getting cottonburn. wait, its too late.
but you left out an important piece of information I HAVE TO KNOW: how the hell is he going to get a deer to piss on the tampons?
I'm with Chick--where does he get the deer pee?
Um....does Sir J realize that they sell this type of thing already?
He's a real do-it-hisself-er, isn't he?!
You buy deer piss in sporting goods stores. There's a lot of different piss for sale, actually.
chick and amity - (Why the hell do I know this?!?) Deer pee is a widely used hunter's aide and can be purchased from a lot of places that sell other stuff for hunting. Kind of like a bait shop for fishermen.
And I think the freezer paper is also known as wax paper, at least that's what it sounds like it is. Useful for more than just preventing freezer burn, too.
freezer paper and wax paper are two different papers - freezer paper is heavy paper (white) and prevents freezer burn - wax paper is clear and has other uses, etc. just clarifying.
I don't think I have ever seen freezer paper. I am going to look for it special next time I shop. Not that I need any as I don't eat meat. I wonder if this paper is not available in Canada. We just make do with plastic wrap and freezer bags.
That's a new one on me, we always just poured the deer piss on the ground
in these parts, we call freezer paper "butcher paper". i suppose this could be because real butcher shops use it or because we (my family) butchered cows, pigs & chickens during my youth and we used quite a bit of the stuff. and yes, it's completely different that wax paper (aside from the paper part) and has different uses. one plus of the butcher/freezer paper is that you can write right on it ("hamburger 11/06" for example).
and it makes me feel like such a redneck knowing about deer piss. it's funny what city folks miss out on. for those who don't know, the deer piss (specifically doe piss, if i'm not mistaken) is to attract the bucks and to cover up the hunter's human smell (which will drive deer away). any other questions for the country folk? :)
Ok, yeah, I know the freezer paper as butcher paper, too...forgot about that one.
I've never lived in the country nor been part of a hunting family, so i really have no excuse for knowing about deer (and yes, doe) piss;>
I used to work in a butcher shop...fun times! We had two types of paper: brown for just putting in the fridge and using right away...and the white paper with the waxy side for freezing. I can't tell you how many customers would answer "no, just the regular stuff" to "would you like that in freezer paper?" then ask as I was ringing up the order if they can just stick their NON-FREEZER papered meat in the freezer. I bet some of them ended up with a lot of freezerburned meat.
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